i'll be burning through

fricken frickckckckck
i hate night time.. it's when i start to relax and calm down.. and also when i start to think and think and think. it makes me sad :( i can't help it.

i hate myself for my body letting that happen to my baby. it's the weirdest feeling.. one minute it's alive and growing.. the next it just stops. i already felt like a mommy. i miss it.

i miss him too. he came over today and we just stood outside for a while and talked. i don't get it. we just click.. we've gone through a lot.. but he doesn't love me anymore. i wish i was okay with being alone.

today at easter dinner, i almost started crying realizing how much of an awesome family i have. (obviously my hormones are going crazy) lol.. they are so crazy and fun. everyone's open and it feels soo goood. my auntie said her friends opening a kennel this summer and might be able to hire me :) that would be the funnest job EVER! pleaaaaaaase please i hope i get it.

i think im going to get a tattoo. either a pair of little baby feet with a halo on the toe, or a latin phrase that means "when there is life, there is hope" it's my first and probably only one. i want something meaningful.

i'm going to watch tv now. i just want to fall asleep real fast so i don't have to think about anything.
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